Bit o’ Blog

The Love We’re All Looking For

 We think we know what kind of love we’re all looking for – or rather, we think we’re looking for that love.  You know the kind I’m talking about:  the kind that lasts forever, the kind where, whatever befalls it, it becomes stronger, the kind where the other person treats us like a queen/king and supports us and nurtures us.  The kind where we are free to be exactly ourselves, and where we become better people.  The kind with flowers and chocolates and poems and love-songs; the kind where someone looks at you and you just know – you know – that he or she loves you for who you really are, and always will.

But as much as we all want a love like that, it’s not the lack of finding it that keeps us from it.  It’s that we’re often unable to receive it or recognize it or trust it … because the thing that we’re actually looking for is the deserving of it.

We want to be the sort of people who deserve that kind of love.

We want to be someone who should be treated like a king or queen, who are perfect and good and beautiful enough to be worthy of flowers and poems and love.

We want to be beautiful and good and perfect so that we can earn that kind of love.

We want to be perfect … and we know we are not.

So we can’t imagine ourselves deserving “that kind of love.”  We can’t imagine anyone actually wanting us the way we are.  We tell ourselves it’s because other people are not capable of giving that love – that people are selfish, or shallow, or greedy, or dishonest.  There certainly are enough people like that to convince us we’re right.  So we tell ourselves that it’s the world that doesn’t love us, and we chide ourselves for believing in “that kind of love” and for looking for love as though it were real.

Maybe this Valentine’s Day, we could accept the gift we really want – to know that we deserve.  We don’t have to be perfect.  We don’t have to be any certain kind of beauty.  We don’t have to be better than anyone else.  We deserve that kind of love by being just who we are.

And if you’re saying to me, “Well, that’s stupid!  I’m not deserving!” then I say, give yourself the gift you say you want – a “love like that”.  Give that unconditional love and acceptance to yourself, and watch how quickly – how suddenly – you become deserving.  Give it to yourself, and watch how quickly you become able to give it to another – and to receive it from another.

Give it to yourself, so that when someone else gives it to you, you’ll know that it’s real.

And you’ll know it’s for you.

2 thoughts on “Bit o’ Blog

  1. It’s a similar problem from a religious perspective (specifically Christianity, here). We are told that Christ loved us so much He died for our sins…and yet how much time do we all spend depressed and beating ourselves up because we aren’t perfect? Forgetting, of course, that we never *will* be perfect in this life, and that this imperfection was the point of the Atonement in the first place! We do deserve to be loved, however imperfect we might be–and like you said, we need to give that gift to ourselves, and learn to recognize and accept it when it is offered to us. (And also remember that the human person offering us love is no more perfect than we are!)

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